Tag Archives: celebrity costumes

Hillary’s Monica Lewinsky Costume and Other Must-See Halloween Treats

Celebrities-Wearing-Same-Halloween-Costumes[1]

“Nothing wrong here,” said Jared from Subway sandwich fame.

“Satan’s Birthday”, as my Southern Baptist upbringing has referred to Halloween, is at hand again. But my dilemma is not with witches casting spells on me…I gave them the night off. NOR am I worried about what to get Lucifer…I sent him a copy of Donald Trump’s book “The Art of the Deal” which I am sure both will appreciate. What I can’t seem to come up with is an idea on how to sexify my very unsexy Halloween costume.  While my friends and family members flash selfies of themselves as sexy cops, sexy (illegal?) aliens, and sexy bananas, I will be swimming and drowning in my blimp-sized body bag which covers more skin than Mother Theresa’s Sunday best. Possibilities? There is one…though flashing for this old hag is not an option when your boobs tend to be perkier postmortem.

My Halloween costume for 2015. The only thing I will turn on are maggots.

My Halloween costume for 2015. The only thing I will turn on are maggots.

This corpse bag is a step up in terms of creepiness versus all the predictable cotton-candy-cute costumes I wore as a child: (Warning: I may lose you readers here via BLAHHHHH…) ballerina, French maid, generic pre-Disney princess (of what I still haven’t determined), Alice in Wonderland (sporting Frida Kahlo eyebrows), and seriously pissed-off little beaner girl (the year my parents decided we wouldn’t participate in the devil’s party).

Not the first nor the last clown this Dolly Parton princess will be escorted by. Fake hair courtesy Grandma's wigs.

Not the first nor the last clown this Dolly Parton princess will be escorted by. Fake hair courtesy Grandma’s wigs.

How I wish I could, for once, look sexy on Halloween…on Christmas…on New Years… and on National Cat Day too for that matter. But I wish for a lot of things. The following are celebrity costumes I wish I could see on other celebrities.

A) Miley Cyrus as Helen Keller

B) Pope Francis as a skateboarding Tony Hawk

Coming soon to a skate shop near you.

Coming soon to a skate shop near you.

C) Clock Boy as the iWatch

D) Caitlyn Jenner as Bruce Jenner

E) Barbara Walters as Whoopie Goldberg

Helen Keller feeling up First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt. Miley Cyrus should take some lessons from a master!

Helen Keller feeling up First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt. Miley Cyrus should take some lessons from a master!

F) El Chapo as Donald Trump

G) Justin Beiber mocking Justin Beiber

El Chapo and the Don bust a move. The best pinatas money and drugs can buy.

El Chapo and the Don bust a move. The best pinatas money and drugs can buy.

H) Beyoncé as a bucket of KFC (original recipe chicken)

Southern Fried: Looks like Beyoncé loves to roll around with her chicken.

Southern Fried: Looks like Beyoncé loves to roll around with her chicken.

I) Hillary Clinton as Monica Lewinsky

J) The Geico Lizard as Flo from Progressive Insurance

K) Oprah as Bill Cosby

Oprah channeling Bill Cosby...that's no joke.

Oprah channeling Bill Cosby…that’s no joke.

L) Kayne West as Kim Kardashian (ironically, this seems to be slowly happening anyway with each fashion event they attend)

HONORABLE MENTIONS a.k.a. The Ones My Husband Declared “Crappy”

M) Snoopy as Grumpy Cat

N) a copper penny as rapper 50 Cent

O) Tom Brady as a La-Z-boy recliner

Good old Grumpy Cat...too busy spending his millions on gold kitty litter.

Good old Grumpy Cat…too busy spending his millions on gold kitty litter.

P) My 2001 Hundai Elantra dressed as 2015 Tesla electric car

Q) The Swiffer Mop as Paris Hilton

R) Oscar the Grouch as anti-gay-marriage activist Kim Davis

Slimey gets hitched. Grouches be haters.

Slimey gets hitched. Grouches be haters.

HAPPY HALLOWEENIE!!!

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