Conspiracy Theories: Truths and Favored Fictions

polls_conspiracy_20theory_20rock_3002_476592_poll_xlarge[1]Conspiracy theories aren’t what they used to be. Thanks to WikiLeaks, hidden “truths” become just everyday news, lost and mixed in with what may be “fact” and what may be “fantasy”. What used to shock us about the powers that be, don’t seem to move us toward much change in our political system nowadays. Its as though we expect our government and the wealthy elite to behave in the worst possible ways, keeping us entertained like some cheap reality show.

I, myself, have grown so cynical and desensitized by media and television that it didn’t surprise me to hear what Edward Snowden “leaked” (Hello, Washington? Are you listening? Got Milk?).  I’ve grown so bored with most of the schemes that certain government agencies and powerful people have been up to, I decided to “enhance” some of these controversial “truths” connected to certain conspiracy theories. Basically, I decided to really “fictionalize” (labeled as my “Favored Fiction”) these truths in a way that would make us question…what is really “fact”…and what is really “fiction”? You decide.

Truth?: In relation to NASA’s “Project Blue Beam”, a 3D hologram of the Virgin Mary was projected in an African sky.

Favored Fiction:  In relation to NASA’s “Project Blue Beam”, a 3D hologram of Sarah Palin in a moose’s outfit was projected over Moscow’s sky to hypnotize Vladimir Putin.

Why couldn't they have used this viewer to find Osama bin Laden right after 9/11?

Why couldn’t they have used this viewer to find Osama bin Laden right after 9/11?

Truth?: The U.S. military used a secret unit of “controlled remote viewers” to help capture Panamanian Dictator Manuel Noriega.

Favored Fiction: The U. S. military used a secret unit of “controlled remote viewers” to locate the best place to grab sushi while in Afghanistan.

Who would have know your Microsoft Windows help pay for this global seed vault.

Who would have know your Microsoft Windows help pay for this global seed vault.

Truth?: The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation is funding Norway’s global seed vault to preserve various seeds in case of a possible global environmental apocalypse.

Favored Fiction: The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation is funding Norway’s global seed vault to preserve various cannabis seeds to turn future earthlings into Cheech and Chong zombies.

Apparently, Nazi's like Eichmann (hiding out in Argentina) liked wearing ponchos.

Apparently, Nazi’s like Eichmann (hiding out in Argentina) liked wearing ponchos.

Truth?: The Catholic Church hid certain Nazi officers post WWII.

Favored Fiction: The Catholic Church hid certain Nazi officers post WWII in order for kinky bishops to use them in bondage role-plays.

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Truth?: Bradley Manning leaked video of U.S. soldiers killing innocent Iraqi civilians and two war journalists.

Favored Fiction: Bradley Manning leaked video of Osama Bin Laden living in Thailand as a transvestite hairdresser.

The U.S. Government capable of erasing one's memory? No wonder I can't recall how many men I slept with.

The U.S. Government capable of erasing one’s memory? No wonder I can’t recall how many men I slept with.

Truth?: MK Ultra, a top-secret CIA experimental project in mind control used prisoners, mental patients, children, prostitutes, and lower-income minorities as guinea pigs.

Favored Fiction: MK Ultra, a top-secret CIA experimental project in mind control used politicians as guinea pigs, hypnotizing them into thinking they descended from a dying breed of anal-retentive aliens from the planet Uranus.

Project HAARP. Not your grandma's TV antenna.

Project HAARP. Not your grandma’s TV antenna.

Truth?: The HAARP Project, located in Alaska, is a U.S. funded scientific experiment which is capable of manipulating the weather.

Favored Fiction: The HAARP Project, located in Alaska, is a U.S. funded scientific experiment which is capable of creating a mini lightening storm that can directly hover over Dick Cheney’s head.

Is this drone capable of finding out if you are wearing underwear?

Is this drone capable of finding out if you are wearing underwear?

Truth?: U.S. drones fly over residential areas in Pakistan to “gather” intelligence information in counter-terrorism.

Favored Fiction: U.S. drones fly over residential areas in Pakistan to play “Where’s Waldo”, killing boredom.

True Nike fans. Heaven's Gate Cult Members.

True Nike fans. Heaven’s Gate Cult Members.

Truth?: Certain technically-savvy members of the Heaven’s Gate Cult helped developed one of the very first computer programs, called PROMIS, that had “spying” capabilities which was highly sought-after software.

Favored Fiction: Certain technically-savvy members of the Heaven’s Gate Cult helped develop one of the very first internet billionaires, called Mark Zuckerberg, a love child created and left behind prior to their mass suicide.

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One response

  1. My favorite Favored Fiction: The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation is funding Norway’s global seed vault to preserve various cannabis seeds to turn future earthlings into Cheech and Chong zombies.

    Why, you ask?

    Answer: Because the idea of Bill Gates stoned messes with my head more than Project Monarch ever could…

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