Crap that Needs to Be Invented

This was not one of my ideas, but looks like the perfect Christmas gift for shopaholics.

Most scientists are not that creative…technically savvy, but not creative.

“It’s because they watch too much Star Trek,” my mom would claim. “They only try to copy what they see on TV.”

Do you think scientists were the ones that came up with the standard bra, the paperclip, or even the first Apple computer? Artists and everyday knuckleheads can take credit for most of the initial ideas of inventions you see around you. It all starts with an idea (usually one during a long night of drinking).  In allegiance to these all night drinkers, I have my own ideas as to what needs to be invented next.

  1. Waterproof solar-powered laptop  with attachable drink holder. Maybe this shit is already invented. I want to be able to spill my beer on it and not worry. Furthermore, I’m just sick of going to the park to get some sun and fresh air  and having my laptop die after just 10 minutes into writing these stupid posts. Doesn’t a writer have a right to write right?
  2. Banana peeler. Again, maybe they have industrial size machines that do this. I need a gadget at home that can do it perfectly. You would think that after graduating from college and learning how to tie my shoes that I would be able to open a banana without getting a bunch of white goo all over me. Well, think again. I dread peeling bananas so much now, I hand it to my 11 yr old son to do it for me.
  3. Beans that don’t make you fart.Get to work all you biochemist majors in college that used to tell me that taking Ecstasy was part of your bio research. Get in there and alter the pinto bean. As a chic of Mexican origin, you can only imagine what good this would do for me and my people. Oh, and lay off the Ecstasy when you do this.
  4. “Car wash” for hands. I know this sounds lazy as hell, but I am proposing a machine or something where you can stick your hands into, it washes, drys and massages your hands with lotion.  Maybe the Japanese already have this and have even moved onto versions for washing ones hair and feet. If they do, GET WITH IT AMERICA. We put a man on the moon, so why can’t most Americans wash their hands???
  5. Bullshit  Eco Car. You know how there is always someone in your car that can’t shut up? Could be a spouse, a kid, some fat radio commentator, or yourself cursing traffic? Why not invent a car that runs off that motor mouth? Then we can tell the Middle East to go screw itself with its oil. Finally, Rush Limbaugh would have some real purpose in this world.

Before there were scientists, there were thinkers.

I am sure I will come up with a bunch of other brilliant ideas that will go nowhere in the future. But for now, I will have to wrap up because you never know when the battery on my laptop might die any…


7 responses

  1. My friends and I were talking yesterday about how we need something to help put a duvet in its cover. Add that one to the list!

    1. OH totally! Im not Martha Stewart. I dont have a million interns floating around me to say : Do this, Do that. In the past, people had children for the role of pseudo servant, but my kid specializes in setting up my electronics, not my bed. Thanks for droppin by.

  2. Very good views in the blog. Love your content. Following you now 🙂

    1. Thanks Naresh. Is that you taking a pic of urself?

      1. Yeah! Thats me in the display pic, it was taken by someone else 🙂

  3. “Bullshit Eco Car.” Love it. That just made my evening.

  4. If that car really could be run off bullshit…I would be driving a fast one! Thanks for droppin in with ur llama.

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