“It’s because they watch too much Star Trek,” my mom would claim. “They only try to copy what they see on TV.”
Do you think scientists were the ones that came up with the standard bra, the paperclip, or even the first Apple computer? Artists and everyday knuckleheads can take credit for most of the initial ideas of inventions you see around you. It all starts with an idea (usually one during a long night of drinking). In allegiance to these all night drinkers, I have my own ideas as to what needs to be invented next.
- Waterproof solar-powered laptop with attachable drink holder. Maybe this shit is already invented. I want to be able to spill my beer on it and not worry. Furthermore, I’m just sick of going to the park to get some sun and fresh air and having my laptop die after just 10 minutes into writing these stupid posts. Doesn’t a writer have a right to write right?
- Banana peeler. Again, maybe they have industrial size machines that do this. I need a gadget at home that can do it perfectly. You would think that after graduating from college and learning how to tie my shoes that I would be able to open a banana without getting a bunch of white goo all over me. Well, think again. I dread peeling bananas so much now, I hand it to my 11 yr old son to do it for me.
- Beans that don’t make you fart.Get to work all you biochemist majors in college that used to tell me that taking Ecstasy was part of your bio research. Get in there and alter the pinto bean. As a chic of Mexican origin, you can only imagine what good this would do for me and my people. Oh, and lay off the Ecstasy when you do this.
- “Car wash” for hands. I know this sounds lazy as hell, but I am proposing a machine or something where you can stick your hands into, it washes, drys and massages your hands with lotion. Maybe the Japanese already have this and have even moved onto versions for washing ones hair and feet. If they do, GET WITH IT AMERICA. We put a man on the moon, so why can’t most Americans wash their hands???
- Bullshit Eco Car. You know how there is always someone in your car that can’t shut up? Could be a spouse, a kid, some fat radio commentator, or yourself cursing traffic? Why not invent a car that runs off that motor mouth? Then we can tell the Middle East to go screw itself with its oil. Finally, Rush Limbaugh would have some real purpose in this world.