Oh, to join the masses… to join this “choir invisible”. Welcome world! Welcome Me (whatever that may be). I will admit, although I have more things to say than Rush Limbaugh has things to cry about, I put off this introductory post for almost a week. Why? Well, how does one prepare oneself for exposing one’s islands of moronic imagination to the entire world (Sorry Asian parents)? This is a test…this is only a test. I wanted to master the art of putting my pet rocks to sleep. No, actually, I was set to write my dissertation on earwax: how it filters various ears from my home country of U.S.A. to the popular nation of Togo. Here is a list of other reasons I began blogging:
1) Its so original, it makes Bill Gates say, “Crap, why didnt I think of that?”
2) ‘Cuz my pet fish Puta told me to a-la-Son of Sam style.
3) It cost nothing, but neither does arm pit farting the National Anthem at Mets games.
4) I want to contaminate the world with my spew because acid rain took a medical leave of absence.
5) I wish to inspire lawyers and porn stars by giving examples of how to enjoy life without money such as: being the CEO of your bed (or sleeping bag), robbing hood ornaments off European cars just for kicks, reading reference books on poverty in the public library, and counting your fingers in between doing everything else.
6) No one wants to hire me.
There would be other reasons if I didn’t have to go to the bathroom so bad. So, to conclude with the upmost of sophistocation (I guess adult diapers aren’t just for astronauts but writers too), here are some of the upcoming writing topics I am considering.
Adult Acne and Other Lucky Charms
A Fat Ass Can Only Take You So Far
Moving in With Your Folks at 38
Cancer, A Cure All For Unpopularity
Mastering the Art of Cussing
What to do When You Live with a Paranoid Schizoid Off Meds